In a creative rut...

So I've been in a creative rut lately. I feel like I've been here before, but I'm not sure it's hit me like its hitting me now. It's a weird feeling because I'm normally a very creative person and I have a lot of ideas  that I want to execute. But I just don't seem to not have the energy or the creative fuel to go out and make them happen. You see, the last couple of months I've been really passionate about creating, and I've been following a lot of other creators, as well as my friends who are getting into the creative field.  I've seen them accomplish all of these things. And I know comparing myself to others is not necessarily a good thing because we all have different ways of growing and different paces of growing throughout our life. I just feel that I myself have plateaued in a sense. I was talking to my wife yesterday. I made this analogy of me being a crack…..Maybe not a “crack” but being a marble stuck IN a crack.  

If you’ve played marbles before this might have happened to you.  I keep getting stuck in this crack and not being able to move forward. And that's what I've been feeling like mentally and creatively. I wanted to make this because you guys ,or whoever is watching, might be going through it or have gone through it as well. Even if you might know me personally and you're watching this video, you might not see the side of me, the creative blocks that I go to. It seems familiar in a sense to when I was transitioning from high school to college where I really wasn't motivated to do video at the time, I was doing a lot of wedding work and not a lot of freelancing.  I got to the point where I even sold my computer and didn't touch the camera at all. If I was doing anything creative, It just helping my dad with his events, and I feel like I'm in the similar state now because what's going on in my life right now.  I do a lot of jobs on the side on top of my full-time job as a DP & Editor. Although I love them and I love the people that I work with, the clients that we work with and the types of videos that we get to do, I feel like I'm stuck I'm creating for others, but I'm not creating for myself. 

In some way or another I feel like it's good to be in creative ruts Ryan Kao, one of my favorite creators said, is that sometimes you need to hit the brakes. Life needs to stop you in a sense, so you can stop, appreciate, think and redirect yourself accordingly to where you're supposed to be going. My wife said something to me along those lines.  You know, maybe this is the time to sit and analyze exactly where I'm going and plan and redirect myself and reevaluate if that's the direction that I really want to go, or if I need to pivot and go somewhere else. Not physically, but creatively. I still want to make videos, obviously. But what kind of videos do I really want to make? It's kind of hard to push forward past the metaphor of being stuck in a crack that I painted for you guys. 

I do have a lot of ideas, so I feel like at the same time, I'm wasting my, my time and my energy doing other things. Sometimes I feel guilty for having free time and wasting it, like playing video games or watching anime (Im a huge One Piece fan). You know, maybe life is stopping me on my tracks and it's allowing me to have this free time to explore and relax, and it's OK to not have anything to worry about instead of living in chaos, maybe in like a month or next year I wont have this free time and I'll be really busy doing things that I really want to do and accomplish. So it's hard to know when it's a good time to sit down and reevaluate and then just go with the flow. But at the same time, it's like, Am I going with the flow? And I'm just waiting for something to happen or do I go out and make it happen? This is the right time to do it. But yeah, it's confusing right now, and it's natural to go through this creative ruts. I'm not saying that it's not, but I feel like I have to make this video in a sense for myself because like I said, I feel like I'm creating for others, like 99.9% percent of the time, not ever creating for myself. Also, like, I'm not really sure what to create for myself, too, that's another aspect of it. It's it's a lot of things that incorporate into where I'm at now. 

So I just wanted to make a video about this and materialize it in a way. In any case, that somebody else is going through the same thing and hopefully together we can ride this wave or somehow move past that crack into other frontiers. If I somehow get out of this, I'll let you guys know and you'll be catching me very soon again! 

I wish you happy holidays for those to come and that you’re all safe, healthy, and surrounded by love and family ♥️